H. CHANDLER, spoken

Are we gonna have a problem?
You got a bone to pick?
You’ve come so far
Why now are you pulling on my dick?
I’d normally slap your face off
And everyone here could watch
But I’m feeling nice
Here’s some advice
Listen up, biotch!

HEATHERS

I like!

H. CHANDLER

Lookin’ hot
Buying stuff they cannot

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

I like!

H. CHANDLER

Drinkin’ hard
Maxin’ Dad’s credit card

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

I like!

H. CHANDLER

Skippin’ gym
Scaring her
Screwing him

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

I like!

H. CHANDLER

Killer clothes

HEATHERS

Kickin’ nerds in the nose!

H. CHANDLER

If you lack the balls
You can go play dolls
Let your mommy fix you a snack

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

Woah!

H. CHANDLER

Or you could come smoke
Pound some rum and coke
In my Porsche with the quarterback

HEATHERS

Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
Time for you to prove
You’re not a loser anymore
Then step into my candy store

H. CHANDLER & H. MCNAMARA

Guys fall

H. DUKE

At your feet
Pay the check

H. MCNAMARA

Help you cheat

HEATHERS

All you

H. DUKE

Have to do

H. CHANDLER

Say goodbye to Shamu

HEATHERS

That freak’s

H. MCNAMARA

Not your friend
I can tell in the end

HEATHERS

If she

H. DUKE

Had your shot

HEATHERS

She would leave you to rot!

H. MCNAMARA

‘Course if you don’t care
Fine! Go braid her hair
Maybe Sesame Street is on

HEATHERS

Woah!

H. MCNAMARA

Or forget that creep

H. DUKE

And get in my jeep

H. CHANDLER

Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn

HEATHERS

Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?
Welcome to my candy store
You just gotta prove
You’re not a pussy anymore
Then step into my candy store

H. CHANDLER

You can join the team

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

Or you can bitch and moan

H. CHANDLER

You can live the dream

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

Or you can die alone

H. CHANDLER

You can fly with eagles

HEATHERS

Or if you prefer

H. CHANDLER

Keep on testing me

HEATHERS

And end up like her!

MARTHA, spoken

Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he’s been thinking about me!

VERONICA, spoken

Color me stoked!

MARTHA, spoken

I’m so happy!

HEATHERS

Woah!

H. DUKE

Honey, whatchu waiting fo—

H. CHANDLER, spoken

Shut up, Heather!

[sung
Step into my candy store!

H. DUKE & H. MCNAMARA

Time for you to prove
You're not a lame ass anymore!

H. CHANDLER

HEATHERS

Then step into my candy store!

HEATHERS

It’s my candy store
It’s my candy
It’s my candy store
It’s my candy!
It’s my candy store
It's my candy store!

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