RAM

Hey, 'Ronica

VERONICA

Ew... You got a left hand: Use it

KURT

Don't talk mean like that

RAM

You'll hurt their feelings
You make my balls so blue

KURT

You hurt them badly

RAM

You make my balls so blue

KURT

They're hangin' sadly

RAM

What did they do to you
That you hate them so?

KURT

Don't run from me
They're all beat up

KURT & RAM

Like a tackling dummy!

KURT

They long for your embrace!

RAM

They're warm like mittens!

KURT

They'll curl up on your face

RAM

And purr like kittens!

KURT

You make my balls so blue!

KURT & RAM

Just look at them glow...

RAM

They’re beggin' you!

KURT & RAM

Don't make my balls so blue

VERONICA

Heather...? Heather...? Open the door

HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA

Oh no, oh no no no!

VERONICA

Open the door!

HEATHERS DUKE & MCNAMARA

Oh no, oh no no no!

KURT

You make my balls so blue
So please say hello!

RAM

Hold 'em!

KURT

Enfold 'em

KURT & RAM

And never let go!

KURT

Once you were geeky and nerdy

RAM

But they knew you're dirty

KURT

You've set them on fire

KURT & RAM

Whatever you require they'll do!
So take 'em home to meet your parents!

RAM

They'll wear a suit and tie

KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

And a fancy collar!

RAM

They'll sing a lullaby:

KURT & RAM

La la la la la!

KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

Please make these balls not blue

RAM

Just for a while!

KURT

Can't wait till later

KURT & RAM

My pants are rubbin'

KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

Like a hot cheese grater!

VERONICA

Look! Booze. Drink!

KURT

Thank you so much!

RAM

They will protect you

KURT

Defend you

RAM

Respect you

KURT

Befriend you

RAM

Like Winnie-the-Pooh!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

Winnie-the-Pooh!

KURT

Baby, baby, baby, they're so blue!

RAM

My balls will work for you

KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

They will obey ya!

RAM

They really need rescue!

KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

Like Princess Leia!

KURT & RAM

Baby, you've gots to come through

KURT

Teach them to smile!

RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You got no clue how much
These two

RAM, KURT, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

Depend on you
Please help them through!
My balls are in your court!

KURT & RAM

Yeah!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make them balls so blue!

KURT & RAM

You make my balls so blue!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make them balls so blue!

KURT & RAM

Ow! Ow!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make them balls so blue!

KURT & RAM

You make my balls so blue!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make my balls so blue!
You shake them
You quake them

KURT & RAM

Good God!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You break—

KURT & RAM

My balls!
You make my balls so blue!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make my balls so blue!
You take them

KURT & RAM

Lookit! Lookit!
Lookit! Lookit!

HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You bake them
Chrissake—

KURT, RAM, HEATHER DUKE & MCNAMARA

You make my balls so blue!
Please make their dreams come true
And make these balls not blue!

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