RAM

Dad says "Act our age."
You heard the man, it's time to rage!

ALL

Blast the bass, turn out the light
Ain't nobody home tonight!

RAM

Drink, smoke, it's all cool
Let's get naked in my pool!

ALL

Punch the wall and start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!

KURT

His folks got a waterbed
Come upstairs and rest your head

RAM

Let's rub each other's backs
While watching porn on Cinemax!

HEATHER CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, & KIDS

The folks are gone
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!
We're up till dawn
Having some big fun!
Big fun!
When mom and dad forget
To lock the liquor cabinet
It's big fun!
Big fun!

VERONICA, spoken

Ok, ok, ok. So, it's salt, and then lime, and then shot?

HEATHER MCNAMARA, spoken

No, it's salt, and then--

HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken

You're doing it wrong!

VERONICA, spoken

Really? 'Cause I feel great

PREPPY STUD, spoken

Veronica, you are looking good tonight!

VERONICA, spoken

Whoa

[sung
A hot guy smiled at me
Without a trace of mockery!

ALL BUT VERONICA

Everyone's high as a kite
Ain't nobody home tonight!

VERONICA

Stoned. Zoned. I should quit...
Hey, is that weed? I want a hit

ALL BUT VERONICA

Fill that joint and roll it tight
Ain't nobody home tonight!

VERONICA

Dreams are coming true
When people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono at LiveAid!

ALL

The house is ours
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Let's use their showers
That sounds like
Big fun!
Big fun!
Crack open one more case!

VERONICA, spoken

I think that's what they call "third base."

ALL

Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!

VERONICA

That actually looks like--

ALL

Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!

KURT, spoken

Alright, people, listen up! What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?

RAM, spoken

Gonna make 'em go whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!

ALL

Big fun!
BIG FUN!

HEATHER DUKE, spoken

Way to show maturity!

ALL

Big fun!
BIG FUN!

HEATHER DUKE, spoken

Quit it jackass, get off of me!

ALL

Big fun!
BIG FUN!

VERONICA, spoken

Yo! Ram! Emergency! I just saw some freshmen sneaking over the pool fence!

RAM, spoken

I hate freshmen! Where are you little pricks? I'm coming for you!

VERONICA, spoken

Hey, are you okay?

HEATHER DUKE, spoken

I didn't need your help

VERONICA, spoken

Aw, thanks, Heather, but I don't really have to vomit right now

ALL

The party's hot, hot, hot
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!

KURT

You need a jello shot!

ALL

We're having big fun!
Big fun!

HEATHER CHANDLER

Martha Dumptruck, in the flesh

HEATHER DUKE

Here comes the Cootie Squad
We should--

HEATHER CHANDLER

Shut up, Heather

HEATHER DUKE

Sorry, Heather

HEATHER MCNAMARA

Look who's with her -- Oh, my God!

HEATHERS

Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!

VERONICA, spoken

I can't believe you actually came

MARTHA, spoken

It's exciting, right? Oh, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider

HEATHER CHANDLER

Showing up here took some guts
Time to rip them out

HEATHER DUKE

Well, who's this pig remind you of?
Especially the snout

HEATHER CHANDLER

Hah!

HEATHERS

Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!

RAM, spoken

Where the hell are those freshman?

MARTHA, spoken

Hi, Ram. I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note…

RAM, spoken

What note? Why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal... There's no alcohol in here! Are you trying to poison me?

KIDS

Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang
Diggety-dang-a-dang!

The folks are gone
It's time for big fun!
Big fun!
We're up till dawn
Having some big fun! Big fun!
So let the speakers blow
They'll buy another stereo
Our folks got no clue
'bout all the shit their children do
Why are they surprised?
Whenever we're unsupervised
It's big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
Big fun!
Whooo!

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